Here at Retro Comedy there’s nothing we like more than ruining your childhood. By ruining your childhood, we mean taking a look at all things we loved and seeing all that is wacky and creepy.
So, in keeping with this spirit, let’s journey back in time to take a second glance at some of our favorite playthings from yesteryear. We swear some of them sound like they should be sold at the Hustler store. Here are the top 10 Old Toys That Sound Super Dirty!
10. POUND PUPPIES
“Yeah, man I nailed that. She’s a total pound puppy.”
9. ACTION JACKS
“Oh, well, there wasn’t a lot of time, so I went for the old action jack. “
8. MR. BUCKET
“He gets around so much, they call him Mr. Bucket!” Listen to this commercial. Really listen. For the record, the lyrics are,
I’m Mr. Bucket, Just put your balls in my top. I’m Mr. Bucket, out of my mouth they will pop.
7 . EASY BAKE OVEN
“Yeah, boy. Come play with my Easy Bake Oven“
6. SWEET SECRETS
Not only do Sweet Secrets sound like sex toys, but they look like them too!
5. MONCHICHI
I didn’t think I was ready to go all the way, but I let him touch my Monchichi.
4. BOP IT
Pull it. Bop it. Need we say more?
3. SUPERSOAKER
Despite the original Super Soaker’s already icky factor , the Super Soaker Oozinator also has a sticky factor. And it is super dirty. Watch and be disturbed.
2. BABY LUV N’ TOUCH
Real toy. Real name. Baby Luv N’ Touch! Yay!
1. FLIRT SQUIRTS
We can’t believe that these super sexist (crappy water guns for girls) toys a) existed and b) had the grossest name of all time! Flirt Squirts! “I knew a guy who had a case of the Flirt Squirts.”
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